"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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