I just pynch a tree in the face
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
