Whod you bang
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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