so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
