I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
