I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
