Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
