I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
4 words: hood of his car
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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