And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
