a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
