I just made out with a guy for $7.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
