My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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