He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
