apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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