She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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