I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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