The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
