Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
