i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
