I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
