So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
