I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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