I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
