so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
