How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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