i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
