Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
