Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
