If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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