I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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