I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
