And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
