Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
