Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
