Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
