Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
