Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
