Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
