Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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