he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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