found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
