i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
