and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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