I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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