Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
