I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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