so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
