But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
