oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
