I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
