We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
