Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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