why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
